Posts tagged “Love

When Doves Cry (Feat. Stephanie Dietrich)

Around the holidays there is so much joy going around but some people are struggling with pain that cannot be seen. Anxiety, Depression, and Suicide are high and some people just need to know that someone is listening, that someone cares, God is always with you and when you feel you have no one to talk with you can talk to him. I battle with my own personal demons and will always be here to talk.


Important Update (Testimony)

Hey everyone. I took time away to gather my thoughts and figure out how I wanted my future to proceed, moving forward from this point on. Everything was on track, tours were moving forward, albums were selling, the websites were getting a crazy amount of hits. So what was wrong? My heart just wasn’t into it. To understand this you have to go back many moons ago when I first started rapping. I got into the game as a “Christian” artist. I was raised in the church so I would stand on stage and freestyle and overall just have a good time. I had very strong faith and a heart of gold. Of course I was still a kid and doing dumb things that God probably wasn’t proud of, but I tried. That all changed when I was was ripped away from my family and sent to live on the other side of the country. It didn’t help that I was a sophomore and everyone I knew was in Michigan. It didn’t help that my grandmother was murdered and my voice of reason was gone. A lot of things piled on top of each other and after that moment I cried. Then I just snapped. I had lost hope and faith. In the summers back up in Michigan it was all about getting money, partying, and doing absolutely dumb things that by the grace of God I didn’t end up in prison or dead. That is not an understatement in the least. I kept my faith in God, but like a stubborn little kid I wanted to do what I wanted to do. I still prayed every night but I never got the right response. I started becoming of the world and so did my music. I used excuses like I was doing some good with my music, but in reality I just needed something to voice all my anger, pain, and frustrations out on. Everything did a 180 and slowly I was no better than your average secular artist who rhymed. Of course I still had some Christian values and dropped tracks with references to God and life.

This brings us to the era of Kryptonite. From 2008 until 2012 I did over 300+ shows, went all over the country, sold 20k street albums and was having a blast doing it. I had gone through a few managers but everything was still perfect. Well, one day I started having massive anxiety and panic problems and ended up in a mental ward; I was lost. When I got back out things still went on as usual and I just dealt with the problems with high dosage medication. It was okay for about 3 years with a few relapses here and there. I made a little change and changed by name to Jay Matthews and reemerged with a top 40 sound and slightly less anger in my rhymes. Some people were a fan of the change and some weren’t. But the local hip hop scene became boring to me and I started focusing outside of my state.

This brings us up to about 8 months ago. I had just come back from a tour that ended at SXSW, about to drop an EP, a new music video, and head back out on the road. The massive panic attacks and anxiety started hitting again. I had a few unexplainable things happen that you would probably call me crazy for. But I had alot of time to think and get my head together and I realized one thing; I was a lost soul. Of course I had a great Fiancé, an amazing son, and supportive family, but a major piece was still missing. Eventually I came to the realization that I went way off the path I wanted to go on and I needed to have a long hard talk with God. I scrapped the video, dropped the EP with no promotion, and decided it was time to go back to my roots. Get right with God and make music that the 14 year old me would be proud of. That my Grandma up in heaven can look down upon without disgust. I’m slowly figuring out my way back by learning how not to put hostility in tracks, which in itself is challenging because I love the competition. I love metaphors and just going for the throat with rhymes, but I have to find a nice middle. I am coming back with a fresh face and a new way of thinking. Expect some new music and visuals soon and expect it still to be hard hitting, witty rhyming and great overall hip hop. I may lose fans, and I may gain some new ones but one thing I know is this: Even if no one listens, my heart is healing and my heart is right with God. At the end of the day I hope everyone can feel I’m just as broken as most of them and I relate to everyone who is struggling with their faith. #GodBless